Lifting weights

So sometime in December, I was trying to get my daughter in and out of shopping carts and realized I was having a rough time. And then I realized she was only 30 lbs -- maybe 32 lbs. And I thought to myself When did I become such a weakling?

Then my mother noted that I had not been exercising and sent us some money for Christmas to rectify that problem.

I've been lifting weights for 2 weeks now. I saw a couple recommendations for Starting Strength and decided to try that program.

To sum up the program, all I do is lift weights. Squats, presses, and deadlifts. Here are things I'm enjoying in no particular order.

• It's very simple
• No cardio
• I'm focused on moving weights and not how terrible I feel
• Currently, I can finish everything up in 30-40 minutes, and I'm sweating hard within 10 min
• It kicks in enough endorphins to help with the depression
• There's daycare for my kids
• Since I'm shooting for strength (low reps) vs endurance (high reps) there's not a lot of lactic acid and I'm not cripplingly sore
• In 2 weeks, my posture is already better
• Since I keep a log, improvement is easy to see (I deadlifted 118 today!)
• I have been going at a time where there's no competition for the equipment and no traffic on the way
• In the 5 minutes I spend warming up on the elliptical, I've been reviewing a memory verse, currently I Thess 5:23-24

Harshin' my mellow

One thing I've been pondering lately is why I don't always obey God, aka "Do the right thing."

And when it comes down to it, in that moment, I believe my way is better or my way is the only way I know how to do.

The big thing right now is not yelling at my kids. I think there's a ton of insight in the Bible on why I should not yell at my kids. We'll start with the verse I work with my daughter on "Be kind, one to another, tenderhearted forgiving one another even as Christ has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32)

So I know that verse and many others, but I still regularly lose my temper with my kids. What's wrong with me?

In my devotional time this morning I read,

The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous.They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. 

~Psalm 19:9-11

When I first read this, I wanted to jump up and point it out to my daughter:
See! We're not harshin' your mellow. Obeying your parents as God has instructed you to do, that's gold, that's honey, that's reward. 

(Seriously, she bawls like we killed her fictional, pet kitten and served it to her for dinner. It's ridiculous)

But then, I realized this is ME. I think that God is harshin' MY mellow, that giving up my right to anger at my kids or at whomever will hurt me in someway. No, I've got to explode. I deserve to explode. Can't you see how bad he/she was to me?

But that's not true. And it's not a little bit untrue, it's completely untrue. Angry outbursts never solve my problem and any satisfaction I get from them are so fleeting and never worth the cost.

Keeping the laws of God: gold, honey, reward. Value, sweetness, true recompense.

God, help me to see how flimsy my "mellow" is, like dust in the mouth. Let me see your guidance as gold, honey, & reward.

Minor update

For the half dozen people who might still read what I write here:

I have spent every day of this new year with some combination of a migraine & vertigo. The docs think I should be better soon, and I hope they are right.

I have switched my medication -- from Celexa to Welbutrin, in case you want specifics. I had been on Celexa for the year leading up to this recent round of depression.

I have also gotten in touch with a new therapist whom I will see this upcoming Wednesday.