Things fall apart

Wednesday, I think it was, was a very hard day.

Got an email from my mom that my dad might be sick with a scary disease. More testing needed. Ok. I don't know if I even prayed about it.

We went about our morning. Took the kids to the park really early because it's been a triple digit week. Coming home, I was relaxing into the feeling that we were on course for my shoulder surgery next Thursday. I had had a lot of anxiety about whether my family would be ok without me and I was easing into the notion that Jesus was going to take care of us. I was ticking off a list of a few things I needed to arrange before my father-in-law arrived to help us with childcare immediately after the surgery. But I was really looking forward to his coming.

My kids and I did fun stuff together, and I fed us an early lunch.

At a few minutes past noon, my father-in-law called which was surprising in and of itself. But more surprising was that HE needed surgery and wouldn't be able to come next week. WHOA, WHOA, WHAT??!!

In a semi-panic, I starting thinking about who could come instead, what we could do instead. In the course of that thought I'd ask a couple of my aunts who are "retired" whether they could come. The first aunt I called is on my dad's side, so I mentioned he might be sick, but what I really wanted was for her to come help me out. She's a doc and whatever I said to her about what might be happening with my dad didn't make sense. So I just forwarded the email I got about it.

She called back. I hadn't understood the email. The more testing wasn't about whether my dad was sick with a scary disease, it was to pinpoint the extent of the disease. WHOA, WHOA, WHAT??!!

The rest of the day was a mess. A giant pile of stinking mess.

Pre-surgery planning: Family checklist

I scoured the internet (for 2 min) for a check list of what I need to have figured out before surgery to ensure my family keeps on trucking. Couldn't find anything. So here is my list of things to figure out before surgery given that as a "homemaker" I usually do a lot of our day-to-day home stuff.

Parameters:
Shoulder surgery
Week 1 in bed convalescing
Weeks 2-4 up and around with one usable arm
Months 2-3 w weakened arm
2 kids under 4, one in diapers
1 husband
No local parents/siblings
Good social support through church and friends

Medical:
--surgeon's contact info
--surgery location & map directions
--pharmacy location/ph
--physical therapy location & map direction

Everyone needs to sleep, pee, eat, & bathe
Sleep:
--Where am I sleeping ?
--What do I need to sleep: pillows, blankets, etc
--How could the sleep of everyone else be impacted?

Pee:
--Any special considerations for me? (Not this time, but yes post hip surgery)
--Any considerations for the rest of the family? (Kid in diapers will have to be taken care of by someone else)

Eat:
--How are groceries going to be acquired?
--How are meals going to be made/acquired?
Fortunately for us, N does some of our groceries already, and we have friends who have offered to drop of meals.

Bathe:
--How will the surgery site be kept dry?
--Who is going to bathe the kids?

Childcare:
--Who is going to watch the kids during the first week?
--Who is going to watch the kids weeks 2-4?

Housekeeping--who will:
--Mop/vacuum
--Clean bathrooms
--wash & fold clothes
(for week 1, wks 2-4, and months 2 & 3)

Planning, plans, change

So our summer 2013 is at about mid-point and warrants some review.

Going into the summer, here were my thoughts:
1) Let's go visit family in Seattle
2) Encourage my daughter's interest in drawing
3) Play outside in the mornings before it gets hot

In other words, we were looking at a very open ended, unscheduled sort of summer. We've been able to do the list: We had a great trip to Seattle. My daughter has been drawing and crafting her heart out. And the kids get time outside at a park about 4 times a week.

What we weren't planning on doing was buying a house across the street for my parents to retire into. Since they won't be retiring for a few years, we needed to rent the house in the interim period. That unexpected project has taken up a fair amount of summer energy. We got the renters settled in July 4th weekend and have been recovering since then.

Although somehow recovering has included hosting a neighborhood barbecue. That was fun, but not exactly restful. But it was supposed to inaugurate a peaceful, boring denouement to the summer ending with Labor Day weekend and the kids returning to preschool a couple mornings a week.

Well, at a routine visit to my family doctor last Friday, we were talking about my insomnia and how my injured shoulder would flair up making falling back asleep difficult, and one thing led to another, I saw my orthopedist and I have surgery scheduled in 3 weeks to fix it up.

That compresses the summer.

Since 2009, it seems to be a family pattern for us to putter around in our day-to-day routine and then turn on a dime and race off in an unexpected direction at full speed. I'm not sure what I think about that. I mean, I'm thrilled that we aren't usually frantic people who then shift into turbo-crazy. I think maybe part of us wishes we had longer stretches of puttering. But we have actually been really good at shifting gears and directions and doing that together. I think these changes push us out of our comfort zone into God-seeking mode and that's not bad either.

At some point I should look into the fall, but at this point, I'm just trying to figure out what needs to be done for the family the first month after surgery.

Vacation 2013

Well, we just wrapped up a week-long vacation visiting grandparents and assorted other relatives in the Pacific Northwest. It's the best trip we've had since having kids.

The best part for the adults was probably the sleep. We got 8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep most nights. That's a huge win.

For the kids, who are 2 and 4 now, we slept through the night because they slept through the night. Big change from our last trip when the little one was 7 months old. We used VRBO.com to find a mother-in-law apt which was furnished with a kids table and chairs. The kids loved that and having independent eaters was another nice feature of this trip. L's favorite thing to eat on the trip was probably the "doughboy" which was an 8 inch long donut in the shape of a gingerbread man. She finished it off on one sitting along with some lemon chiffon cheese cake.

I think we ate a month's worth of sugar and sweets in a week which was part of what made our vacation a vacation. Grandparents really enjoy ice cream, so the kids got a lot of that. Their house also has a fire pit, so s'mores were a great excuse for getting that going frequently. D practiced breaking up sticks just like Grandpa. It was really cute to watch.

We saw 3 sets of aunts & uncles from both sides of the family, a rare treat.

One fun thing about the trip is that the mother-in-law apt was in a basement which was pretty dark. We were really concerned about that long summer days up north, but staying in a darker basement meant not only did the kids go down to bed well, but that we could keep the whole family on Central time. We never time adjusted. With little kids, we hadn't scheduled evening activities anyways. They went to bed about 5-6 local time (7-8 home time) and we went to sleep about 7-8 local (9-10pm home time). Sure the kids got up early for local time, but there was a wonderful park nearby so we walked them over there and let them run out some wiggles if we didn't have anywhere to be.

Plane rides were meh. The kids were probably as good as it gets, but crazy tired kids with tired parents is a difficult combination any way you look at it. Schlepping 2 car seats on and off the plane is always it's own clown car show too. Maybe on our next trip, our oldest might weigh enough to just use a small booster seat. We'll see. That'd be cool.

Our last previous vacation was late 2011, more than 18 months ago. It was grueling with D only sleeping every other night. So it was really nice to have a different, better vacation this time.

Fatherly wisdom

Back when I lived under my dad's roof, he would have occasion to notify me of life's seasons, particularly that families with young children had to make different choices than at other time of life. Of course, in my infinite, teenage wisdom, all of life was exactly as I was experiencing it and all decisions I made were good ones.

Now that I have my own family and it's got young children in it, boy, was he right. Seasons. They're such an apt metaphor for life. Here in my part of the world we have two seasons: April to September is ReallyHot. October to March is QuiteNice. ReallyHot is taking off and QuiteNice seems like a distant memory and a faint dream. But truth be told, QuiteNice will come again.

Yesterday morning, I melodramatically flopped myself on our bed and announced that I was done with this life season of DemandingDependence. I had been awakened by a mewing child several hours earlier and asked to help wipe a nose. That in turn awakened the light-sleeping sibling. [Gnashes teeth, tears hair.] I could not see out of our season. And honestly, I am probably more often convinced that DemandingDependence is a permanent state than a passing season.

But just the notion of seasons is hopeful and that's despite the fact that we have really long ones here. One recent summer we had 100 days over 100 (or something very close) and somewhere after day 79 it just felt like we would always be house bound and it was always going to be ridiculously hot. But the weather did break, and I did run for a sweatshirt around 80 degrees.

I don't know what it is with my tendency to think thing will "always be this way". I slip in that direction readily. But the metaphor of seasons reminds me that no matter how long and how grueling (or great) a season is, life rolls on and it rolls into a different season.

Broken but not hopeless

In reviewing a lot of children's books over the past year, I've been saddened by the messiness, grossness, the evil that my children need to be exposed to.

Today, I was coloring with my daughter and introduced her to coloring skin. We used a peachy pencil, and a dusty tan pencil, and a brown pencil and we talked about how people had different color skin. And we compared our arm colors, and we talked about other children she knew who were darker than she was. And it was just a fact. To her, it's like daddy has blue eyes and she has brown eyes. 

But we've read a number of books that share about the American history with skin color and how it wasn't so factual. One thing I've been impressed about a number of these books is how exuberant they can be in the face of evil. I'm thinking about books like Hallelujah Flight which tells about an early trans-continental flight by 2 African-American men or Willie and the All-Stars about a boy growing up during WWII who wants to play professional baseball only to be told he won't ever because he's the wrong color.

We've read a couple books about children with limited access to books and the librarians who trek miles to help them. That Book Woman tells the story from the 1930s of an illiterate boy in Appalachia who learns to read over the course of  the visits from "that book woman". The book made me cry. Waiting for the Biblioburro also talks about an itinerant librarian but is set in contemporary Colombia. The burros are charmingly named Alpha and Beto. Our house is filled with books, and our children are unlikely to experience the privation these books refer to. Yet they need to know. They need to know that it's not so easy in most of the world and hasn't been for most of history.

But I also want them to know that their circumstances do not define them. That's something I so value in the children's book genre; they are by and large hopeful. Though these none of these books are grounded in a theology of hope, I think the hope is there because in Jesus there is the truth of hope. In the Easter story, where Jesus dies and defeats death, the darkest hopelessness, hope gets teeth. It's not just wishful thinking. Evil doesn't win the war even if it wins a few battles. 

Our nighttime routine with our daughter is to read a devotional with her, pray some set prayers, and then we ask her, "What can we thank Jesus for today?" Lately, she's wised up and tells us "Everything!" so that we can get it over with and get on to reading a library book. While we do help her unpack what her everything is, I hope she can also see the truth of it, that we can be thankful for everything and in being thankful we are hanging on to hope regardless of the circumstances. 

Praise-alluia

No cystic fibrosis! Booyea!