Pulling it together

Well, I have to say that I am very thankful for my husband and friends who have been a great help and encouragement as I figure stuff out.

Logistics were wrapped up by the end of Wednesday. Instead of my father-in-law coming to help after my surgery my mother-in-law will be coming.

So the "Who is going to take care of the kids while I'm in surgery?" question fizzled out quickly, but it's a different thing getting ready for a father-in-law than a mother-in-law. So it took me another day or two to get myself ready for that notion.

As far as my dad being sick, that is its own very weird situation. For all intents and purposes, my dad feels like a really healthy guy, no different from last week. But preliminary tests say he's got a rare cancer. At this point, if he feels sick it's going to be because of the chemo. There's one more round of tests this week and then my parents get to survey their options and choose their next steps.

A sustaining idea in this time has been what Brennan Manning calls the "present risenness" of Jesus. Present meaning both now and near and risenness meaning having defeated death and fully alive. So while I was feeling crushed by stress, I had this beckoning sense that Jesus was near and trying to push through the anxiety. I could see light creeping around the edges of the folds of darkness. This idea that the loving creator of the universe stands near me with such power that death was broken has been a lifeline of hope when the worst of myself cries out to be believed.