Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp, Shepherd Press, 1995. 215 pp. including scripture index.
Who should read this book
--Christian parents who like being told what to do and the 90s era culture wars.
--Thinking Christian parents willing to sift for nuggets of wisdom while dumping the junk
About the Book
This book comes in two parts. The first part is Foundations for Biblical Childbearing which is covered in 12 chapters with a summary chapter. The foundational principles cover topics like a child's spiritual development, the role of parents, the goals parents may have, and biblical methods including communication, "the rod", and an appeal to the conscience. The second part is Shepherding Through the Stages of Childhood which is six chapters covering three developmental stages: infancy, childhood, and teenagers. For each stage there is a chapter on training objectives and then one on training procedures.
There is an introduction that precedes all of this that seems very important to Tripp's ideas. As someone who frequently skims or skips introductions, it would have made sense to me for that material to be put in an actual chapter.
Chapters are typically not very long and have a half to full page of application questions at the end. The writing style of the book drove me bonkers having a tone of certainty and moral imperative that I find overbearing and misplaced. Words and phrases like "must", "hand-to-hand combat [for]...the child's heart," "The result is obvious," act like fingernails down blackboards for me.
Thoughts: The good
There are some principles in the book that I agreed with. The first is the premise on which the title is built, that is that the issue is the heart over behavior. The annoying, dangerous, correction-inviting behavior I witness in my children is an outflow of what is in their hearts.
Second, loving parents will discipline their children. We see that in Hebrews 12 and I agree with Tripp on this.
Third, listening to our children is equally important to speaking to them.
Thoughts: The ugly
I don't think there are overtly bad ideas in this book, but I do feel a lot of ideas are really awkwardly or weirdly presented. For example, on the one hand, Tripp writes that parents shouldn't think deterministically that anything we do produces automatic guaranteed results. However, a lot of his rhetoric implies that our children's lives are at stake vis-a-vis precisely what we as parents are doing. There's an underlying theme of fear in the book that I object to, an implication that if we do not raise our children the way Tripp recommends that the very souls of our children are at stake. And that's just not true. As parents, I believe we do have responsibilities that God holds us accountable for, but children have their own responsibilities and choices to make. And I think Tripp would agree, but he is unclear and inconsistent about this in the book.
Perhaps as a conversation analyst I am overly sensitive to this, but the dialogues in the book are really awkward to my ear. They are weird structurally but also in content. Here's the central example that bugs me:
-You didn't obey Daddy, did you?
-No.
-Do you remember what God says Daddy must do if you disobey?
-Spank me?
-That's right. I must spank you. If I don't, then I would be disobeying God. You and I would both be wrong. That would not be good for you or for me, would it?
-No.
To my ear, this sounds coercive, like God is coercing Daddy to spank and Daddy has no choice in the matter. As a kid, I would either hate God or my dad.
Putting aside the dialogue, spanking gets a lot of air time in this book. I am not an opponent to spanking although I did think that my parents' version of time out was extremely memorable and formative. (We had to stand in the corner holding our ears and squatting as if sitting on an invisible chair.) But Tripp sees spanking as rescuing our children from danger. So parenting isn't deterministic, but spanking rescues our children? Sigh.
Conclusion
Obviously, I really struggled with this book. I read it because a number of people recommended it and there are definite take away principles worth remembering. However, it was written in the early 90s and it has that vibe of fear and war with the surrounding culture. I would personally recommend reading something else unless you like wading through that stuff.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Book Review: Gakken Let's Create
Gakken Let's Create ages 2-4 yrs. 191pp, plus 4 pages of stickers and a "wipe clean board".
Who would like this book
--Parents of 2-4 year old children who want short, structured activities to do with their child
--Children who can sit still for 30 sec to 5 minutes, can grasp a crayon, and manipulate scissors
About the book
This is a workbook that introduces "educated world" skills, the kinds of skills that are useful for making teachers happy in school. (Parents may or may not think these are skills their 2-4 year old need to acquire at the moment.) The opening pages introduce drawing dots, straight lines, and curves; another section works on numbers 1-3. A final section combines life knowledge with cutting and pasting. This is an interesting section which offers opportunities to talk about animals, social customs, transportation, food, clothing, and school activities.
Thoughts and commentary
I got this book from Costco because it was inexpensive at $8 and because my daughter was newly out of preschool for the summer and I wanted something structured to do with her as I faced a big shift in our schedules. At the start of things, she was 2 years and 2 months old and young for the stated age range.
She really likes the activity book because there is a space for a "Good Job" sticker on every page. She also likes the graphics which are colorful and cheerful in an Asian cartoon style. Some of the pages call for using crayons, provided stickers, or scissors and glue. She likes all of those modes of interaction, but stickers most of all. As a parent, I like having simple pages to do with her, all in one place, with a bit of guidance on each page. I like the progression in difficulty and the variety of activities.
Cognitively, my daughter is a bit young for most of the book. It takes a lot of scaffolding to get through the activities. By scaffolding, I mean talking through the activity in advance and demonstrating what is going on. During the activity, she needs a lot of often literal hand holding. In the numbers section of the book, we did about a quarter of it before it was really beyond her ability to comprehend. I have currently stopped that section and will pick up later as she gets more comfortable with those concepts. Attention wise, she cannot pay attention for more than a few minutes. In the early part of the book, we could do a few pages in a session. But for cutting and pasting pages, 1 activity is about the limit. Mechanically, she needs help for everything other than putting stickers in place.
The build quality of the book is excellent. The paper is nice and thick. The icons are easy to understand. The short parent instructions are generally helpful. My only complaint here is that in the first section on drawing lines and shapes the gutter of the book gets in the way. The pages are not perforated, but I tore them out anyways so that she would have a flat page to work on. The wipe clean board is a black and white outline of a cake. I didn't see the point of it much, and we haven't used it much thus far. I cut that page out, again, because it is unwieldy to draw on while still attached.
Conclusion
Given that she enjoys the activities, I think that working a bit ahead of her abilities is fine. Sometimes frustrating for me because I like things lined up and tidy, but she's having a ball. And we have something to do together. However, I don't think these are particularly important skills for a 2 year old to pick up. Content-wise, I think I'd care more as she gets closer to actually starting school in a few years.
I'd be interested to see how she does with the same material next summer. And for that reason, I'm tempted to pick another one up for an apples-to-apples comparison.
Who would like this book
--Parents of 2-4 year old children who want short, structured activities to do with their child
--Children who can sit still for 30 sec to 5 minutes, can grasp a crayon, and manipulate scissors
About the book
This is a workbook that introduces "educated world" skills, the kinds of skills that are useful for making teachers happy in school. (Parents may or may not think these are skills their 2-4 year old need to acquire at the moment.) The opening pages introduce drawing dots, straight lines, and curves; another section works on numbers 1-3. A final section combines life knowledge with cutting and pasting. This is an interesting section which offers opportunities to talk about animals, social customs, transportation, food, clothing, and school activities.
Thoughts and commentary
I got this book from Costco because it was inexpensive at $8 and because my daughter was newly out of preschool for the summer and I wanted something structured to do with her as I faced a big shift in our schedules. At the start of things, she was 2 years and 2 months old and young for the stated age range.
She really likes the activity book because there is a space for a "Good Job" sticker on every page. She also likes the graphics which are colorful and cheerful in an Asian cartoon style. Some of the pages call for using crayons, provided stickers, or scissors and glue. She likes all of those modes of interaction, but stickers most of all. As a parent, I like having simple pages to do with her, all in one place, with a bit of guidance on each page. I like the progression in difficulty and the variety of activities.
Cognitively, my daughter is a bit young for most of the book. It takes a lot of scaffolding to get through the activities. By scaffolding, I mean talking through the activity in advance and demonstrating what is going on. During the activity, she needs a lot of often literal hand holding. In the numbers section of the book, we did about a quarter of it before it was really beyond her ability to comprehend. I have currently stopped that section and will pick up later as she gets more comfortable with those concepts. Attention wise, she cannot pay attention for more than a few minutes. In the early part of the book, we could do a few pages in a session. But for cutting and pasting pages, 1 activity is about the limit. Mechanically, she needs help for everything other than putting stickers in place.
The build quality of the book is excellent. The paper is nice and thick. The icons are easy to understand. The short parent instructions are generally helpful. My only complaint here is that in the first section on drawing lines and shapes the gutter of the book gets in the way. The pages are not perforated, but I tore them out anyways so that she would have a flat page to work on. The wipe clean board is a black and white outline of a cake. I didn't see the point of it much, and we haven't used it much thus far. I cut that page out, again, because it is unwieldy to draw on while still attached.
Conclusion
Given that she enjoys the activities, I think that working a bit ahead of her abilities is fine. Sometimes frustrating for me because I like things lined up and tidy, but she's having a ball. And we have something to do together. However, I don't think these are particularly important skills for a 2 year old to pick up. Content-wise, I think I'd care more as she gets closer to actually starting school in a few years.
I'd be interested to see how she does with the same material next summer. And for that reason, I'm tempted to pick another one up for an apples-to-apples comparison.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
When you feel you don't fit in
Dear Children,
While it is on my mind, I thought I would address something I hope you will not have to encounter for another decade. I think most people at some point in their life feel they do not fit in. By virtue of your family history, you will actually not fit in. While there are more and more families with parents of different ethnicities, most of your classmates will not be in this situation. Certainly, we as your parents were not. But we both did grow up in a home culture that was different from the surrounding culture. And it is from that experience that I want to offer two truths that can be lifelines as you navigate these tricky waters for yourself.
1) God did not make a mistake when he made you.
2) You have an invitation to belong to God's household.
God did not make a mistake when he made you
As a young person, I often felt like a cosmic oops, that God had been distracted when he made me and that's how I ended up being a girl born to Chinese parents in the American South. Like wouldn't it have been easier if I had been born Chinese in China or White in America? Growing up, in the US I was never American enough, and in Chinese countries, I was never Chinese enough. You may feel similarly.
But something that helped me a lot was a chapel when I was in 6th grade where the speaker said, "God does not make mistakes." I don't remember the verse she was speaking on, but here is one to offer you food for thought:
You have an invitation to belong to God's household
In your everyday life, you may feel like you don't fit in, you may be told you don't fit in, and you may actually not fit in. That's an awful feeling, I know. But this verse was huge for me when I was processing all of this. Listen to this:
Now, I hope that you have a few friends who are also hapa. That y'all laugh about the weird, awkward things that come with it. And I hope you have Uncle Jonny and Uncle Kevin around to show you the ropes. But iffn you don't, I think these truths can carry you a long way.
I love you,
Mom
While it is on my mind, I thought I would address something I hope you will not have to encounter for another decade. I think most people at some point in their life feel they do not fit in. By virtue of your family history, you will actually not fit in. While there are more and more families with parents of different ethnicities, most of your classmates will not be in this situation. Certainly, we as your parents were not. But we both did grow up in a home culture that was different from the surrounding culture. And it is from that experience that I want to offer two truths that can be lifelines as you navigate these tricky waters for yourself.
1) God did not make a mistake when he made you.
2) You have an invitation to belong to God's household.
God did not make a mistake when he made you
As a young person, I often felt like a cosmic oops, that God had been distracted when he made me and that's how I ended up being a girl born to Chinese parents in the American South. Like wouldn't it have been easier if I had been born Chinese in China or White in America? Growing up, in the US I was never American enough, and in Chinese countries, I was never Chinese enough. You may feel similarly.
But something that helped me a lot was a chapel when I was in 6th grade where the speaker said, "God does not make mistakes." I don't remember the verse she was speaking on, but here is one to offer you food for thought:
For you created my inmost being;The image here is one of God taking great care in crafting a life. God picked out your eye color, hair, nose, and mouth. And he built them on the genetic differences between Asians and Caucasians. Likewise, he knew you would have a particular cultural environment and has plans for that. Your ethnic background is not a cosmic mistake.
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
~Psalm 139
You have an invitation to belong to God's household
In your everyday life, you may feel like you don't fit in, you may be told you don't fit in, and you may actually not fit in. That's an awful feeling, I know. But this verse was huge for me when I was processing all of this. Listen to this:
Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household,When you accept that Jesus's death and resurrection was for your sin too, you get a new citizenship and a new family. The spiritual reality is that God sweeps you into his family and loves you perfectly just as he made you. You have a place to belong. And this is true even if there are people actively telling you that you don't belong. And this is true even if the people telling you you don't belong are people who say they are Christ followers.
~Paul's letter to the Ephesians
Now, I hope that you have a few friends who are also hapa. That y'all laugh about the weird, awkward things that come with it. And I hope you have Uncle Jonny and Uncle Kevin around to show you the ropes. But iffn you don't, I think these truths can carry you a long way.
I love you,
Mom
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