Thanksgiving: From life to death and the in between

This year has been so dramatic; it's really nice to wind down the year with a deeper realization of how much I have to be grateful for. Somewhat chronologically, here's my list:

--In the early part of the year, I was working my way through another episode of depression which we treated as seasonal affective disorder and changed up my meds. The new meds had bad side effects, but I did eventually adapt. Between them and a new therapist, the ship was righted. The transition back on the same medication this fall was much smoother and I'm doing way better than I was doing this time last year. I am thankful that depression is not my sword of Damocles.

--Our daughter learned to read before I expected her to. This freaked me out. I'm thankful I've since gotten over it.

--Our son was so severely underweight that he was tested for what seemed like everything under the sun, including cystic fibrosis -- twice. All the tests were negative! Shortly after testing, despite a negative celiac test, we removed gluten from his diet and he has since gained about a pound a month and is back on the growth chart. What an amazing relief! Praise God!

--I picked up a small contract position with Zoobean.com this year as a book curator. I select the best of the children's picture books I come across adding them to the Zoobean library and tagging them so they can go out in personalized book subscriptions for kids. This has been super fun and provides a little "egg money". I'm thankful my new interest in literacy has found a new (non-academic) outlet.

--Speaking of interest in literacy, I'm thankful my paper on mother-infant book interactions has been published. Actually, I only kind of care that it's been published. I'm more thankful that my husband supported my researching and writing a new paper.

--I am thankful for my in-laws. We had a great visit to their neck of the woods this summer. Then, when I decided to go ahead with shoulder surgery, my mother-in-law came to our place for 2 weeks and ran the house while I sat around in a drug-induced daze. They are also wonderful with the kids. One thing I really enjoy is that they regularly send postcards to the kids.

--We bought investment property this year. This was not part of the "plan", but we are thankful for good renters.

--In addition to unexpected surgery and unexpected property buying, my dad had an unexpected cancer diagnosis this summer. A large throat mass became a whatzit, became a we're taking it out anyways, became well, that was cancer. It was a hard period of just not knowing what was going on and having different doctors say different things, but on the other side of it all, we are so thankful this was caught early and currently does not require any chemo or radiation, just periodic scans.

--So my dad's thing was a reminder of the nearness of death. This summer, our daughter's namesake, a former missionary and a mentor of mine, passed away. I'm so thankful that in the past few years she's included our house in her epic road trips. It was a real privilege to have her in our lives.

--And just so we don't wallow in death, a life story! Our dear nephew was added to our family this year. He came 8 weeks early and scared the tar out of an already frazzled family. Thankfully, he was everything you could hope for for a preemie. He was born at a sizable weight with well-developed lungs. He was never in a scary situation during his hospital stay and was sent home before his actual due date. He makes great faces and is super cute.

--In these uncertain times, we joined the many families across the country that received no pay in October although our situation wasn't directly caused my the government shutdown it did coincide with that. During his "furlough", N looked for an found another job for better pay and a shorter commute. How about them apples? No pay is no pay and that was stressful, but we're so thankful for the quick resolution to that issue. So far N has liked the new job, and we're getting back into that work-groove after having daddy home with us for 5 weeks. I am also thankful N's work has nothing to do with healthcare.gov. Those must be some frustrated programmers.

--I should update on this in its own post, but shoulder surgery appears to be a success. I've been out of the sling for 2 months and I can do everything I want with it--household chores like laundry, mom chores like tickling and hugging, sleeping on it, and lifting weights. A good outcome was never guaranteed, so we're thankful that things have knit back together nicely.

I am not a naturally thankful person. I'm a naturally anxious person. Even in the list above, I have my what-ifs and but-that-could-changes, but if the drama of this year has taught me anything, it has taught me to bet on Jesus. I want to predict the worst possible outcome and rage against the "unfairness". But time after time, when I choose to trust, I see and tangibly experience that God is in control and can be counted on. Things don't go according to my plan, but that doesn't mean there isn't goodness to be found and life to be thankful for.

Praise-alluia

No cystic fibrosis! Booyea!

Making stuff up as I go

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
~Paul's closing instructions to his friends in Thessalonica

I love these instructions because they seem so hopeful, so truth-full. But if there's one current life situation that I don't know how to be thankful for it's potty training and our 2 year old. I won't go into the gory details but it's one gigantic ARGH!!!! in my life. Frustration, despair, anger, shame, guilt, I've got it all.

But today, I'm going to make up a list of stuff to be thankful for about this situation.

My thanksgiving poop list:

1) I am thankful that my daughter has well-functioning excretory system.
2) I am thankful for disposable diapers that pull down easily when she does want to sit on the toilet.
3) I am thankful for toilets and modern sewage systems.
4) I am thankful for the bits and pieces she does get:

• "Poop goes in the toilet"
• Taking clean diapers to her teachers when she's soiled hers
• The times she does let someone know she needs to go

5) I am thankful for the cluttered poster of stickers that represent the times she has used the toilet

6) I am thankful she's only soiled the carpet once (or twice).

7) I am thankful for my mother's help getting her to the toilet when DW was a newborn.

8) I am thankful she's never had a UTI.

9) I am thankful for all the times my husband has cleaned her up, especially the morning of "the incident"

10) I am thankful for the opportunity to learn humility, patience, and gentleness*

As I said, I'm making this stuff up as I go. Mostly, I'm angry and bitter that this process is not done and over with. I hate poop, but I'm learning to be thankful.

*I'm a really slow learner

Thankful for the screams

I hate baby screams. My husband says I take them personally, so it's been a rough couple months with our infant son, although the past week has been a dramatically wonderful turn around. He hasn't been colicky; he just hasn't slept the way we expected him to be sleeping and our lack of sleep made, well, lots of things difficult. Among those things were being pleasant, grateful, and compassionate.

But yesterday I was talking to a mom whose 2 y.o. got a stomach bug so virulent that after a couple days she stopped walking. My similarly aged daughter darts around. It's hard to imagine her awake and not moving around (unless there's a TV on). But I remember when she was in the hospital in April and how lethargic she was as well. And this reminds me that as cranky as sleep deprivation made us, our son's crying was well within the healthy baby range.

Not only that, for a period, they were appropriate indicators that he wasn't getting enough milk. Now it took us a number of weeks to seek help and figure that out, but at least we had some kind of warning. How heart breaking would it be to have a weak, listless baby?

As we head into Thanksgiving week, I want to take a look at some of the things I've been bitter about and re-examine them. So first off, I want to be thankful for the cries of our son; instead of really mad that I'm not doing what I want to be doing which is usually sleeping or resting.