A moment of public grieving

NB: The following is not a complaint. I'm not asking for accommodation nor am I wishing for a different life.

While my day to day life in the past 18 months has been decidedly domestic, I am a linguist* by training. Today, I received an announcement for a conference workshop that is right up my alley. I have work I'd love to present there and get feedback on. I'd probably even be interested in the other presentations offered. Exciting stuff on the order of magnitude of being a U2 fan and getting a backstage pass--VERY EXCITING.

SO NOT GOING. The conference is in Australia. I don't think we budgeted for Australia this year. Then, it's in December of this year. As in, one month after a requisite family flight to my cousin's wedding. As in, I'll have a still-nursing, 8-month-old son.

What a bummer. I love my cousin; I love my children; my husband makes good money. I'm still sad that I can't even think of participating in this.

Ok. That's off my chest. Back to playing with the kids.

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*Linguists are not necessarily grammar, spelling, and punctuation freaks--at least I'm not.

Do less

We started the new year with N, my husband, fuming about how December went and complaining that we needed to do less. Or that's how I read it. December really wasn't all that bad. My brother visited for 2 days; we had N's company party to attend, and a cousin of mine came for a week from Christmas eve to New Year's eve. Socially, December wasn't much of anything. Granted the first two weeks I spent running my feet off taking care of our toddler and my post-operative mother-in-law. And then there was the impromptu pizza party at a neighbor's house on a Friday evening. We kind of let Christmas sneak up on us gift-wise, so there was a lot of last-minute head scratching, Amazon buying, and post-officing. And there was that baking stuff for the neighbors. So maybe December was a bit fuller than I thought. And to drive the message home January started off with a bang and not of the good variety. So at this point, I'm a believer. I am on N's side; 2011's theme so far is "Do less."

So far we've said no to all the birthday parties we've been invited to. I've promised N that I will tell anyone who wants to fly in to visit us to postpone their trip. We have a number of visitors already in the books. L's godmother in February, my family in May, my in-laws in the winter. Our second child arrives, as a hopefully permanent family fixture, in April. So we've got a number of good reasons to give people for visiting another time.

Our church is having a women's retreat in early Feb and a larger, longer family retreat in early April--yes, right before the baby is due. We're planning on prioritizing those which means we'll probably try to keep the remaining weekends pretty clear of "events".

Three weeks into this new year of "doing less", I'm observing first, that our ordinary life actually takes a fair amount of work and has a lot of moving parts. There's simply quite a bit to do even without "adding stuff". I put that in quotes because I realize for some people with different personalities than ours the "added stuff" is ordinary life. Spontaneous is good!! We're routine type people and events really knock us back. The second observation I have is that I'm still seeing God insert key relationships in our lives.

We keep a white board as an attempt to organize our life. On it I put a drawing of our block and the names of the people we've met and are praying for. There's been a family katy-corner from us that I sort of met months ago but haven't been able to get to know. Just this week, I've gotten to chat with the mom twice. Her sons are 3 and 5. We've been able to connect over having kids and talked about what having 2 kids is like. She has a research background and works at the university, so we've connected there. These times have been just what I've wanted and have been beautifully woven into our ordinary life. They haven't felt like an event or a doing, just crossing the street to let our kids play together or crossing the street to chat neighbors with neighbors. If "doing less" means more of that, count me in.

Handling bounty

While technically, 50% of homes in the US are bigger than our house, having spent my adult life before TX living in dorms and apartments around the world, I can safely say our 5 bedroom house is big. However, knowing, for example, how much room my mother had growing up with 6 siblings, or how much room my co-worker in Russia had, or even how much room our friends in Los Angeles have, there's a certain discomfort about having this treasure trove of space. We certainly don't need this much space for day to day living. So why have all this space?

This week has shown how physical space can also be part of marginal living. With foot surgery, my mother-in-law's stay has extended from 3 wks to 3 months. Many things about our house make it an ideal place for her to recover. She has her own room only a few steps from a full bathroom. Our entrances have only 1 step so when she's ready to get out and about more, it'll be easier for her to do so. We're in TX where the winter can be cool, but she's not going to be house bound the whole time with darkness, snow and ice all over. Our physical space is a blessing to her.

Then, this past Sunday night, a friend went into labor a week or so early. With a no family nearby, they needed someone to watch their toddler son. With still more room, we were able to have him over for a couple nights while mommy and daddy were down the road at the hospital. And with a fenced in backyard, there was a safe place for him to get some boy energy out.

After years of urban living, middle-class suburban life became for me an image of veneered hollowness, a dangerous place for anyone wanting a lived spiritual life. I think the chief dangers are comfort and prosperity. These entice us to rely on ourselves and to live dissipated, godless lives. However, I'm finding that being here while living with the anticipation that God shows up and shows up everywhere and anywhere means that I am encountering opportunities for grace. I get to participate in those opportunities as I specifically learn to let God guide not only my use of time, but also my resources like our home. And while sometimes God uses us to show up for others--like my mother-in-law or our friends's little boy, sometimes God uses others to show up for us--like some other friends who sent us a gluten-free pizza for dinner. A real treat after a couple long days.

We do live in overwhelming comfort and prosperity, for which I am thankful. But instead of feeling shame, like I have in the past, I feel blessed and responsible. In this Advent Season as we look forward to Christmas and from Christmas we look forward to Jesus' second coming, these words of Jesus below take on a new poignancy:

“Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. But suppose the servant says to himself, ‘My master is taking a long time in coming,’ and he then begins to beat the other servants, both men and women, and to eat and drink and get drunk. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers.

“The servant who knows the master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what the master wants will be beaten with many blows. But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

~The good news according to Luke, chpt 12