The slow grace of listening

One of the most difficult things about this summer has been the addition of several appointments a week to the schedule as well as a new membership to the YMCA. The appointments we just had to be at. The Y, well, since we're paying, we'd better go. And all of a sudden, our lives were hurried in a way that we usually haven't been.

Other people have written about this, I'm sure, but I think hurry lives on the opposite end of grace. And I particularly believe this when I think about the power of unhurried listening. This week I had a conversation with an old friend and gifted listener. It's not that he never said anything, in fact, he talked a lot. But he listened, and he asked follow up questions that were insightful and demonstrated loving care without having to say, "I lovingly care for you." And some of those follow up questions skipped back two or three topics because he had been listening with his heart and attuned to the Spirit.

The slow grace of listening is gracious precisely because listening can only occur with the investment of time. When we listen, we are handing over precious moments of our lives to another person. And when we listen, we embody the message that this other person's life, thoughts, and interests matter. Whatever would count as the spiritual opposite of fastfood and facebook, that's what listening is.

Listening is something anyone, believer or non-believer, can do. But listeners who walk in the Christ life have a bonus resource. First, we can ask for supernatural discernment to hear the heart behind the words. And second, we can ask for supernatural guidance for how and when to respond.

This world is all about love. I love chocolate cake. I love One Direction. I love community service. I love my family. All you need is love. I love you. But when it comes to this costly way of loving--listening--we're not so all about that. So the third thing that Christ in us accomplishes is that we have a model and resource for sacrificial loving.

15 minutes

I remember once before I had kids telling a mom who did have kids that I didn't know how to get anything done if I didn't have a 2 hour block of time. And she just kind of looked at me. And I looked at her back.

I am just not a very fast person. One of the reasons why I woke up early in the morning as a teenager is that I needed about 2 hrs to be ready to roll out the door for school. It was the getting dressed, thinking, eating breakfast, thinking, packing my backpack, thinking, fighting with my brothers, thinking. It was very slow and very comforting. Waking up and rushing out has always been unpleasant to me.

So I had kids. At the beginning, any two hour stretch I had was for sleeping. To get 2 hrs to myself, I have to pay for childcare. And I did that sometimes, but generally since I didn't usually have 2 hrs for anything, I didn't get anything done. Or I got things done just barely.

So, dear world, I have finally learned what everyone probably already knows, the power of 15 minutes. I used to fritter away 15 minutes as if nothing of consequence could be accomplished in 15 minutes. But the past 2 months, I've learned a lot about what I can get done in 15 minutes.

Every morning (just about) for the past 2 months, I've written 750 words of whatever. That takes me 15-20 minutes. So I've now accumulated 35-40 THOUSAND words. I've used this space to process thoughts in general but also for my research and other parts of life that need some planning. The practice of writing has made it a bit easier to write my current research project because I'm simply more accustomed to sitting at my computer and spewing words. Writing articles used to be very laborious because I labored over every word. Now I put them down with the expectation that I'll go back through and edit.

Also, I've been lifting weights in my garage for 15 minutes every weekday. After being accustomed to hour-long workouts in the gym, I wasn't sure that 15 minutes would be very useful, but I figured it would be more than nothing. Well, after six weeks of lifting every day using less-than-maximal weights, I tested my maxes. I set personal records on all the lifts I had been doing beating even pre-surgery records.

Obviosuly, there are actually two things going on. First is that 15 minutes is small enough to squeeze around my kids' lives. I write before they wake up. I lift while they are safely tucked in their rooms for quiet time.  Secondly, I'm doing these frequently, basically daily. And 15 minutes a day adds up. 750 words a day is 5250 words a week. 20 squats a day is 100 squats a week.

Vacuuming and mopping used to be huge mental hurdles until I timed them and realized they were 10-15 minute tasks. Now I think, it's not that hard to squeeze that in.

I'm still not a very fast person. I still like a lot of thinking breaks. I certainly don't string together 15 minute tasks into an HOUR OF PRODUCTIVITY!! But I think I've at least learned to value 15 minutes, actually treasure them as little bubbles of awesome. Better late than never.