Choosing compassion: Suffering with others

Reynoso ("Formed through suffering" in The Kingdom Life) repeatedly talks about how while suffering can be redeemed by God, it is not something we ask for, except for in one instance: we are called to bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2).

Now this seems like a choice; I could choose not to enter into another person's suffering, I could look away. But in I Corinthians 12, Paul writes about the community of believers being the many parts of one body. And "If one part suffers, every part suffers with it...(vs 26)." Looking away doesn't mean I escape the effects.

And Jesus did not look away. Mark 6:34 says, "When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things." He arrived, he saw, he had compassion. The Latin roots of the word compassion mean to suffer with or to suffer together.

Here are some thoughts on having Jesus' compassion:

Presence
Jesus sees the crowd, he is moved by them, and then he walks among them.

Just as knowing that God is near us and not indifferent to us is a consolation to us in our times of suffering, we need to choose to enter the suffering of others with our presence. I think we shirk this role because it seems like not doing anything. It's just being around. It's being around without a chore to complete, without the right words to say, without anything but being there. It'll probably be awkward, but that's ok.

Provision
While he is with the crowd, Jesus teaches them. That's what his compassion moves him to. With our limited abilities, I think we have a limited capacity to provide tangible help in suffering, but we still can try and should respond to opportunities to do so. In fact Paul's encouragement is to "...not become weary in doing good...as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers (Galatians 6:9-10)."

When we are able to push back against the suffering of others, we are participating with God in bringing goodness to the world and extending the reign and rule of God's kingdom.

Sometimes this means a material response, food, shelter, clothing, etc. Sometimes this means using our influence or knowledge. Middle-class Americans have tremendously more influence and knowledge and most people across the globe. Sometimes it's an act of service, picking up medication, volunteering childcare, fixing a broken toilet.

Prayer
Jesus got so into teaching the crowd that they were together through several meal times and in the middle of nowhere (Mark 6:35). They had a spiritual need, and now the crowd had a physical need, they were hungry. This is the five loaves and two fish story. I think we always tend to focus on how this small amount of food miraculously feeds five thousand. We miss the part where Jesus holds on to not enough food, looks up to heaven and gives thanks (vs 41).

In suffering with others, we pray. We pray with what we know is not enough. We trust the Holy Spirit to perfect the prayers we cannot form (Romans 8:26-27).

Perseverance
Suffering people frequently suck. They make choices that hurt themselves or others more. They say awkward things or don't say anything at all. They can be ungrateful. And even if they suffer in a saintly way, sometimes the suffering just keeps on coming and it doesn't end soon, or soon enough.

Welp, as members of one body there's no get-out-of-jail-free card. In fact, in John 17, Jesus says that our oneness, unity, ability to be one body, is evidence to the world of the love of Jesus (see John 17:20-23, The Message).

We must continue to be present for one another, to provide for one another, to pray for one another. We press on even when the miracle healing doesn't come, or the promised "better" doesn't arrive, especially then because our God is a God who perseveres, who does not wait for us to be pretty before he comes to us and loves us.

As we celebrate Easter, we celebrate a risen King, who came to earth as a baby and was here with humanity on earth, experienced the joys and discomforts of our lives while living in perfect unity with God the Father. He died on the cross, was buried, and on the third day beat death and rises again. The perfect, Creator God of the universe fully suffered humanity's death sentence. In doing so, death lost its sting. In Jesus, there is life. We can choose to follow him as our King, a King who knows our every pain, our every heartache, a King who promises us rest.

Alleluia! He is risen!

 

Reflections on existential angst

I am dealing with a bout of existential angst. Basically, I'm realizing that whether we try to have a third kid is a big deal to me in a who-am-I way. Part of it is that I still have dreams of becoming a professor and there's a study out that found very few women with 3 kids in academia. And trust me, I get it. If we have a third kid, I am probably harming my potential to get a tenure track job in a big way. (Arguably, being geographically inflexible is equally or more harmful.)

So I've been pondering what is the big deal about getting a job, particularly since my husband provides handsomely for our family?

In no particular order:
1) What I do is fun for me. I like both teaching and research. I whine and moan about aspects of both, but at the end of the day I enjoy them. Part of the fun has been the people. I have worked with fantastic people and on fun projects.

2) I have been heavily invested in. I've been given a lot of money and time by various institutions and people who think I have a particular ability to contribute to society in this way. While they invested with no strings attached--I don't contractually owe anyone anything, I feel a responsibility to this investment similar to the parable of the talents.

3) I like "unlocking achievements". I'm told in video games that when you do enough of X, you "unlock an achievement". Seems like a fancy system of getting enough stickers to turn in for a bigger prize. Whether it's training from being a student most of my life or my bent, I like getting feedback that I'm doing the right thing, that I'm doing well. I've unlocked quite a number of achievements so far, but I have a few big ones left undone like getting a job, publishing in journals, and getting tenure. A teaching award would be icing on the cake.

Let us contrast this with being a stay at home mom.

1) I don't like a lot of things that go with motherhood. These include things like being physically miserable, dealing with someone else's body fluids, and a host of things that fall under "not being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it."

2) I have very little idea what I'm doing. Where professionally, I had an advisor who showed me the way and colleagues to work with, I feel fairly alone in this motherhood thing. Not completely, but I certainly don't feel as engaged as I was professionally.

3) There are no mommy merit badges. I want my merit badge for changing 2500 diapers, for taking all the night shifts, for nursing through mastitis, for not screaming or crying when I actually feel bonkers inside. As far as I can tell, there aren't real mom metrics. Your kid is alive still, clothed, and unabused. You're a mom. Yay.

With a comparison like this, it's easy to feel all sorts of negative things. Yet I as I review these sentiments, I am struck by how I have a special opportunity to live by faith and continue to be formed in Christ. I have been reflecting on how a theme in the story of Jesus is that he served individuals and humanity. The king of the universe became a servant. If I say, "I'm on his team," and I do, then my life should look like that too. While part of me resents the unheralded service my life has been "reduced to," I also recognize that the is an opportunity to live in the grace I've been given. And while part of me worries that my career is slipping away from me, I have the opportunity to trust that God is actively interested in my particular life and will take care of me. To top it all off, I have the opportunity to learn all this with a great family. My husband is a great husband and father and my kids are people I'm enjoying getting to know. While my angst is what it is, I have to acknowledge that I am living in grace abounding.

Handling bounty

While technically, 50% of homes in the US are bigger than our house, having spent my adult life before TX living in dorms and apartments around the world, I can safely say our 5 bedroom house is big. However, knowing, for example, how much room my mother had growing up with 6 siblings, or how much room my co-worker in Russia had, or even how much room our friends in Los Angeles have, there's a certain discomfort about having this treasure trove of space. We certainly don't need this much space for day to day living. So why have all this space?

This week has shown how physical space can also be part of marginal living. With foot surgery, my mother-in-law's stay has extended from 3 wks to 3 months. Many things about our house make it an ideal place for her to recover. She has her own room only a few steps from a full bathroom. Our entrances have only 1 step so when she's ready to get out and about more, it'll be easier for her to do so. We're in TX where the winter can be cool, but she's not going to be house bound the whole time with darkness, snow and ice all over. Our physical space is a blessing to her.

Then, this past Sunday night, a friend went into labor a week or so early. With a no family nearby, they needed someone to watch their toddler son. With still more room, we were able to have him over for a couple nights while mommy and daddy were down the road at the hospital. And with a fenced in backyard, there was a safe place for him to get some boy energy out.

After years of urban living, middle-class suburban life became for me an image of veneered hollowness, a dangerous place for anyone wanting a lived spiritual life. I think the chief dangers are comfort and prosperity. These entice us to rely on ourselves and to live dissipated, godless lives. However, I'm finding that being here while living with the anticipation that God shows up and shows up everywhere and anywhere means that I am encountering opportunities for grace. I get to participate in those opportunities as I specifically learn to let God guide not only my use of time, but also my resources like our home. And while sometimes God uses us to show up for others--like my mother-in-law or our friends's little boy, sometimes God uses others to show up for us--like some other friends who sent us a gluten-free pizza for dinner. A real treat after a couple long days.

We do live in overwhelming comfort and prosperity, for which I am thankful. But instead of feeling shame, like I have in the past, I feel blessed and responsible. In this Advent Season as we look forward to Christmas and from Christmas we look forward to Jesus' second coming, these words of Jesus below take on a new poignancy:

“Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. But suppose the servant says to himself, ‘My master is taking a long time in coming,’ and he then begins to beat the other servants, both men and women, and to eat and drink and get drunk. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers.

“The servant who knows the master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what the master wants will be beaten with many blows. But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

~The good news according to Luke, chpt 12

The service of celebration

Lenten musing 3

I'm pregnant. This is not a "Hey everyone, here's the good news, I'm pregnant!" This is a "Mission control, we are ready for landing." ...or "take off." I'm not sure how to characterize this. Regardless, during this Lenten season our first child will come. As my body prepares for this child's coming, I am in need of more and more service myself. Things that I used to blithely do independently--from the stereotypical getting out of a chair to a more idiosyncratic making appointments--are now things that I turn to others to help me with.

Today's passage in the Lenten reader I'm going through is Luke 22:24-30

²⁴Also a dispute arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. ²⁵Jesus said to them, "The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. ²⁶But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. ²⁷For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves. ²⁸You are those who have stood by me in my trials. ²⁹And I confer on you a kingdom, just as my Father conferred one on me, ³⁰so that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.

Reflecting on this passage, I am reminded that in this life, following Jesus is submitting myself to one who serves. But reflecting on my life recently, what stands out is how much I am in need of service. So I asked myself, "Andrea, how are you serving the people around you?"

Here's the list I came up with:

1. I am learning to be jealous about time and activity for my husband's sake. Translation: I say no to stuff I would probably otherwise say yes to. This helps him be himself and to accomplish what he wants to get done before the kid comes.
2. I am cultivating friendships with single women. This isn't a gee-you're-so-awesome-to-do-this thing. I enjoy these women regardless of their marital status, but I'm not unaware of the tendency for married women to fall into a giant abyss of I-only-know-married-people. There are a few women that I make sure I make time for.
3. I am allowing people to celebrate this time with us. My husband and I are not gushy, ecstatic people. (Although, you might catch me in a moment after a particularly good Duke Men's Basketball win.) We have to remind ourselves to allow our community to celebrate with us. Case in point, when I asked my husband (then fiance) how many people we should invite to our wedding, I think he said 18. I told him I had more immediate relatives than that. We have hermit-y tendencies, but we are learning the goodness of allowing people into our lives and space.

I think the service of celebration isn't service just because it isn't my first inclination. Celebration can bring with it elements of the gospel. Being together and enjoying one another points toward the ultimate calling together of God's people before his throne. Celebrating a wedding points toward the bridegroom Jesus and his church. Celebrating a child to come points toward the expectation of Jesus' return and points toward our process of being "born from above" as new creatures, citizens of God's kingdom.

For many people, these are glum times. Many of us know people who have been laid off, are ourselves are laid off, or are worried about being laid off. When we celebrate what is true and beautiful, we are reminded of God's goodness whether we can articulate that or not. In the small and big ways we allow people to join in celebration, we enlarge the reach of God's kingdom. And that is a good thing.