This is just a phase

One thing about me that feeds my depressive tendencies is a bent toward thinking that the current state is the permanent state. In other words, all that is wrong with my life will always be that way.

One of the best things about having a second child is being able to be confident that everything is a phase. I feel like I should make a t-shirt that says "This is just a phase" or paint it on my walls, or something.

Something I've recently started to do is to nap with my 2 year old. She always* takes naps and I try to as well. Turns out she falls asleep faster if I lie down with her and I really enjoy that time with her. I know this is just a phase. She'll grow out of it soon enough.

DW is in a super charming phase. He smiles back when I smile at him; actually he beams. He's been army crawling and on our tile floor he's shooting around like a bat out of hell. Since he drags his body around, he's also mopping up his own spit up as he goes. I know this is just a phase. He'll be crawling properly soon enough and we'll have to make sure to watch the slippery spots on the floor.

As I mentioned last time, toilet training has been a drag. I know this is just a phase, but it feels like forever. When, O Lord, will she get it all in the toilet? And DW, while he sleeps better, when will the night feeds be over? I feel so close to a full night sleep and yet so far away. I know this is just a phase, but man it feels so long.

I've been thinking about the fruit of the Spirit lately. It's a list of qualities that the apostle Paul says results from letting the Spirit of God rule our lives rather than our own selves.

One of those qualities is patience, something I have been sorely lacking lately. I've been short with my children, my husband, with myself. It's been very, very hard to set aside "now-ness" and trust in a timeline other than my own.

Advent started yesterday and for many believers marks the beginning of the Christian calendar. It's a period of about four weeks of anticipating the birth of Jesus celebrated on Christmas. Early Christians were encouraged to fast during Advent like during Lent. This deprivation brought the anticipation to a visceral level.

It seems apropos to kick off Advent with a meditation on patience. What I love most about the notion of "fruit of the Spirit" is the implication and promise that the Spirit of God is the producer of the good characteristics. I want to be more patient. I want to be characterized by patience, but I cannot accomplish that, but God's Spirit in me can. And that is something I can anticipate hopefully.