Crisis

Despite the title of this post, there are many parts of my life that I feel quite happy about. The family is more or less healthy for the first time in months. I've mostly come to peace about my mostly stay-at-home-mom, but partly research linguist life. My husband and I are about to celebrate our 6th anniversary on a fun date this weekend. I'm discipling a younger believer in the faith in a way I have not since college. I'm helping the church women's ministry with some big picture thinking which is totally my cup of tea.

Good stuff. Good stuff.

Nevertheless, I'm at a total crisis regarding two things: 1) the centrality of the "Great Commission" and 2) therefore, being at a church laser-focused on the Great Commission.

The "Great Commission" comes from the last chapter of the gospel of Matthew where Jesus commissions his disciples saying,

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." ~The good news according to Matthew, chapter 28

 This is probably the central mission I've heard since I was eight when my parents moved us from a Chinese church to a large, mostly Anglo church. The front of that church said, "To know Him and to make Him known" and over the door on the way out it said, "Go Ye".

I am not repudiating either the truth that Jesus commissioned his disciples and by extension us/me to making disciples of all nations or my American evangelical heritage.

However, I question the primacy of the Great Commission over the Great Commandments:

‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ~The good news according to Matthew, chapter 22

It is hand waving to collapse the Great Commandments into the Great Commission. Making, baptizing, and teaching disciples may be part of loving God and my neighbors but I don't accept that it is the whole of it. I know why the Great Commission is appealing to me; it has a "Christ's love compels" motivation and a to-do list. It's easy to see the Great Commission as a task to be accomplished.  And a good, just, moral task. And if I'm doing that I'm ok. People should like me. God should like me.

And that's the messed up part. That's where I worry I've lost the Great Commandments. Is love about to-do lists? It seems that way sometimes when I'm putting away laundry, but then again not when I'm cooking.

On that note, I'll say that cooking might be where the Great Commandments and Great Commission meet. When I cook for my family, friends, and neighbors, I feel like I'm loving God by living out who he made me to be, I'm loving the people around me by putting tasty goodness in front of them, and I'm making disciples as I teach my children to lovingly serve people.

By adding in the Great Commandments to my heart song, I've destabilized the place of the Great Commission which has been so central for so long, I feel like I don't know how to move forward. By adding the Great Commandments to my heart song, I worry that my church community which is so explicitly focused on the Great Commission won't have a place for me. I'm in a place of disorientation. Crisis.